THE ULTIMATE FUCKING POST
You know it’s good when you bother to scroll all the way back up just to reblog it.
…Wait scroll up HOW OLD IS THIS THING
ITS FINALLY HERE!
Why should I retract my claws for you?
What do I earn from playing nice?
I’ll choke on the cries I leave in my throat.
I am not sorry.
If I am angry, I will be angry.
I will be blinding light
I will be rage and shaky hands
I will be venom and teary eyes
I will not laugh at your jokes
I will not tuck my fangs away to smile for you.
I will look you dead in the eye
I will spit out teeth that are not mine.
Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via disappolnted)
This was hilarious and so true xD
One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
I love it how when Snape draws out his wand there are audible gasps but when Mcgonagall draws her wand there people are screaming out of the way.
They just know better.
damn snape is piss-OH MOTHERFUCKING SHIT, MOVE OUT, CLEAR THE WAY, MCGONAGALL IS PISSED.
I will stop reblogging this when it stops being awesome.
This will always be awesome
today i wore a v-neck to school, something that is totally normal for 99% of the girls there, one of the girls in my french class was wearing one similar to mine in fact.
but my french teacher came up to me and told me that i was out of dress code and that i was asking for something to happen to me.
and all day long i had to slap guys who found it perfectly okay to grab them.
im a 32DDD, 5’1, and 115 pounds. due to this im known around the school as the walking boobs, the girl who grew in other places, and BITS. I constantly get called a whore and a tease.
Girls are always accusing their boyfriends of sleeping with me.
and there have been times when i have had to tell teachers that my eyes are up here.
i grew boobs in the eighth grade, i was a DD then, and i cant tell you how many fights i got into with guys who thought it was alright to stick their faces in them.
the point of all of this is that its bullshit.
i should be able to wear a v neck to school without worrying about who is going to grab my boobs next, or who is going to throw a gum wrapper in them, or what girls are going to say next.
Fuck that shit! I would report any teacher that needs to be reminded not to stare at your chest. That is not okay in any sense.
Also, I’d say screw slut-shaming, but this isn’t even a matter of dressing how one wants, but a matter of a woman’s natural state being the reason that men think it’s okay to sexual harass or assault her.
- Large breasts are not an invitation.
- Large breasts are not an invitation.
- LARGE BREASTS ARE NOT AN INVITATION.
Are we clear?
Reblog and Amplify.
I had to reblog this because she’s not even showing that much cleavage. But she’s totally right. Large breasts are NOT AN INVITATION.
Ask the cutie before you touch…anything, really.
Also to ladies that have to deal with this, here’s a piece of advice my dad gave to me AND my two sisters:
"If some puts their hand on you, take it and keep it, they obviously wanted you to have it." (yes my dad straight up told my 12 year old sister to break a boy’s hand off if he tried to touch her).